Pwnology

Hello, my name is Troy and I prefer a video game to real life. I woke up one day and emerged from my home into blinding sun light. My untrained eyes struggled to find something familiar to latch onto. I stumbled to a nearby town, talking to the disheveled and downbeaten inhabitants, trying to locate my missing dad. After hours of exploring outside of town I came upon a familiar place. I’d been here before with my then girlfriend. We’d walked around the lake in the freezing cold. I remember that I wanted to go fishing (I always do when I see water). We had argued over the future, both of us being jettisoned in different life directions. The Jefferson Memorial looked just like I’d remember it from 2006… except for those Super Mutants.

DC looks better burnt

And so began my quest through Fallout 3’s nuclear rendition of Washington DC. It’s a bit unnerving when a game (perhaps unwittingly) uses such a familiar backdrop to bring a point home. I remember watching the White House explode in Independence Day (Before Will Smith became the next Wayne Brady), and knowing that was the moment the movie had me by my underbelly. Exploring Fallout’s crippled DC remains, matched the same sort of feeling and I caught myself many times thinking: “Shit, this is real.”

^ Oh yeah — you can even nuke an entire town.

I’ve mentioned before that I have a soft spot for a sort of dystopian beauty, which seems a bit out of place with a DC backdrop, where in order to build the world, the Manhattan Project must meet the Nation’s capitol. A number of sites have awarded Fallout 3 with game of the year honors, with Kotaku’s count of counts showing at least 7 major pubs/sites that have done so. I can’t help but throw my hat in the ring or at the very least give Pwnology’s first “Best Excuse to Nuke DC Award” to Bethesda.

The real DC has always struck me as excessively representative of America due to the city’s stark contrast between the rich and poor. Within a mile of the White House, rundown neighborhoods become the norm with former apartments housing only shattered windows. Blocks away from the Capitol Building, all windows on homes and apartments are barred against break-ins — The ultra-rich minority surrounded by their plebeians. In Fallout’s DC, the world is created equal; those with weapons have an equal opportunity to either create or pillage the future.

Exploring ‘History’ without the Lines

In contrast to Liberty City’s NYC makeover, Fallout 3’s remix of DC could be described as a nuclear symphony. The game isn’t just a cover, allowing you to play in the streets of a well-established “Liberty City” (which is fun in its own right), but it takes the most noteworthy elements of DC, and changes them for the better.

Ninety percent of the joy I derived from the game was simply found running toward the empty triangles of the wasteland, finding a familiar location or a picturesque canyon view. I’ve easily spent more than 40 hours exploring the ragged desert tundra of the Wasteland. I couldn’t help but think “wow, I’ve been there,” from “The Mall” (and all of its buildings) and Arlington Cemetery, to many other popular in-city destinations like Dupont Circle. The city’s metro lines even serve as transit points between the various district’s of DC’s interior, though the subways are a complicated mess, many of them shredded by nuclear war.

^ Jefferson Memorial In Game

There are no lines to enter these destinations, no mandatory security screening, nor screaming babies. The dad that forces his unhappy family on a monument death march, is also nowhere to be found, likely holed up in a vault somewhere or obliterated as a statistic. But there’s also no other real people.

Of particular memory is the rotunda room of the Capitol Building, which I’ve visited and admired the architecture in real DC. The room is equally impressive in Fallout, with many of the same ceiling impressions, only this time the room just happens to host a war between two armies, one of which has a 60 foot mutant on their side. No big deal. A fair share of the interiors of the other famous buildings have been completely thrashed by the downfall of society, so not as many similarities remain indoors — but they don’t need to. The outdoor world is so captivating that I often found myself disappointed when I would have to crawl through a dungeon or building. The surface breathes life into the world; it hides underground.

Fallout rewrites history in places, and toys with it in others. One quest requires you to steal The Declaration of Independence from the National Archives, which requires you to interact with a robot who has adopted the personality of a Founding Father. Other historical documents can also be found in the building, which each net you extra “bottle caps”, the standing currency for the Wasteland.

The history re-writes are perhaps the most enjoyable. One of the more prominent satires in the game comes in the form of the Nuka-Cola company, which seems to have eliminated any Cola-Competition (Sorry Coke, Pepsi). Much of the games back story is found in computer terminals throughout the buildings’ interiors. In the Nuka-Cola factory for instance you discover that the semi-rare Nuka Cola Quantam (there are only 90 bottles in game) was designed as a marketing ploy, covered with radioactive isotopes to give the drink it’s unique blueish hue. The various computer terminals reveal the development research that went into the Quantams and the unfortunate test subjects which drank early, more radioactive versions. In another re-write, it should be noted to “Buy Chinese”. In a tongue-in-cheek reference, Chinese manufactured goods are of a higher quality than their standard counterparts, with the Chinese Assault Rifle being one of the strongest common weapons available.

Exploring the Wasteland is by no means a strolling process. While running between points of interest, you will regularly run into giant ass-biting scorpions; mutated black bears known as Yao Gui, which have the temperament of a roid rager; groups of Mad Max-like Raiders, complete with Mohawks and lead bars; and various other factions of human, ghoul and mutant. It is by no means a safe voyage, although at times it is lonely. This adds to the ambiance and desolation of the wasteland, but I found myself wanting to share the encounter and sights with my friends.

^ Melee is a quite strong combat tactic

The game does have a fairly basic companion system, including a recreation of DogMeat from the other Fallouts, but I generally found that a companion aiding against enemies made the combat too simple. A better substitute for companionship in the game, perhaps, are the Wasteland’s radio stations. Often times, when roaming between disparate parts of the map, I would tune into Galaxy News Radio, to hear THREE DOG, post-apocalyptic DJ in chief, spout about my Wasteland accomplishments or about the encroaching threat of The Enclave, which also has its own respective brand of propaganda based radio.

In fact, I would argue (ok this could be an easy win) that Fallout’s DC also trumps in the presidential category — at least until January 20th. The leader of resurgent America is John Henry Eden, which you may recognize as Hero’s Daniel Linderman, actor Malcom McDowell. Self-charged with maintaining order in the struggling United States, Eden leads the the technologically advanced Enclave faction, while holding regular fireside broadcasts on Enclave Radio.

Minor Gripes (Where RL DC wins)

There are a couple of areas of the game where I’d either weight my opinion toward Real DC, or consider tossing a coin. I’d toss these into the gripe category, as they are not gamebreaking, but I feel I should note them nonetheless.

1) Combat repetitiveness: After I’d completed the main storyline, I loaded one of my saves to go back through the game and find the major quests that I had missed (check the achievement list). At this point, I had grown very weary of the combat system.

The target assisted V.A.T.S. mode is virtually the only efficient way to dispatch enemies, allowing you to select various limbs, enemy weapons, and naturally their heads. The problem is that every fight becomes a spam click on the targets head, which consumes action points. After these points are expended, you must wait for them to charge in order to enter V.A.T.S. again. You can attack outside of V.A.T.S. but the attacks are highly inaccurate and don’t feel like a solid FPS affair. I found myself craving Mass Effect’s RPG shooter interface, which functioned fully as a shooter outside of the RPG elements.

2) Less confusing subways: The only benefit to the real-life DC is that the subways are less confusing, but unfortunately real DC subways lack vampires, netting this gripe somewhat of a toss up. A waypoint system is supposed to help you navigate the Wasteland DC’s metro system that crosses the city’s interior, but more often than not, this system offers you a confusing array of entry points into the subway system and its various roundabout diversions. On multiple occasions I had to Wiki the subway entrance necessary for my destination.

3) Lack of Co-Op: I’ve covered this pretty well already, but it is worth calling out one last time. It would have been a joy to run about the wasteland with a friend, or even have them take over the role of a companion. Even a ghost mode such as in Fable II would have been a much welcome addition.

Bold-faced conclusion

I often wondered if I lacked some sort of moral base for enjoying the mutated remains of DC more than its real life counterpart. I suspect strongly that the strength I feel for the environment is governed somewhat by vivid personal memories — but isn’t that the perfect stage in which to play? Will you get the same experience out of Fallout’s DC? Perhaps not as strongly, but given the general familiarity with Real DC, I believe it will be compelling for many. Don’t worry though, it’s just fine to like the glow in the dark DC better than its real life counterpart. Here’s to hoping Bethesda will bring the same depth to other cities soon.

Posted: 2008-12-22 21:15:01

Citing a deteriorating financial and viability picture for the nation’s Hunter population, president-elect Barack Obama detailed a plan today for a bailout of World of Warcraft’s most populous class.

“Long have we ignored the needs of main street America, which is best represented by Hunters,” said Obama. “They are hurting just as badly as the auto worker in Detroit, the financial workers across the country, and Circuit City shareholders. Our plan to repair our economy should extend all the way to those that are virtual.”

According to a census of World of Warcraft, the Hunter class represents 13 percent of all WoW players, which themselves make up 11 million players around the world.

The plan, just one of Obama’s broadsweeping proposals to stabilize the economy, which is in one of the greatest downturns since the Great Depression, mimics many of the plans already unveiled for the financial and auto industries. The plan calls for a freeze on repair costs, vouchers for arrow and pet food, and increased gold production. Under the plan, each hunter will also receive 5,000 gold to offset the pace of inflation and increased costs of basic materials.

“Hunters have long been subjected to higher costs than the average class,” said XxXLegolasXxX, a lvl 80 Night Elf Hunter on StormScale. “The cost of arrows and ammunition has outpaced inflation for more than four years now, while the cost to feed our pets has also risen dramatically alongside the cost of ethanol. Frankly, we deserve this.”

Critics of Obama’s plan believe Hunters historically have taken more than their fair share of “loot” and consistently cheat lending practices from mob and raid bosses.

In a related plan, Blizzard and General Motors have teamed to offer special SUV mounts in World of Warcraft. The new mounts are the first in the game to feature durability and require refueling. The mounts will be available in the next content patch for $10 and come in “popular” models such as “Big”, “Red” and “Square.” Overseas meanwhile, Toyota has upped production of real vehicles, including the Prius.

Our story resumes as gray and jad are wasting the work day away (as always) by discussing video games over IRC. Jad is lamenting over his inability to defeat corpse-humping fragtards in Halo 3. The following events take place in LOLspeak.

(11:14:24 AM) jad: or, i could just be full of shit and trying to ration around my now shitty halo skillz

(11:15:58 AM) gray: yeah, s’all gud. we’ll be back for halo 4

(11:16:18 AM) gray: which will be way lame, cuz bunjee will not be involved

(11:16:30 AM) gray: or did they come back? i thott i might have heard something

(11:16:58 AM) jad: they are releasing a squad shooter some time next year

(11:17:12 AM) jad: Halo: ODST (Orbital Drop Shock Trooper)

(11:17:39 AM) gray: are you serious?

(11:18:09 AM) gray: was Halo: SMCA (super master chief adventures) already taken?

(11:19:41 AM) jad: the funny thing is that it was called Halo 3: Recon when they first teased it

(11:19:51 AM) gray: there you go

(11:19:52 AM) gray: ship it

While many of you might have been under the illusion that an “ODST” is that funny-shaped lump that grows on your undercarriage every few months, Microsoft marketing would like to take a moment to remind you that ODST is in fact: a force of elite [T]roopers that [D]rop from [O]rbit while [S]hocking enemies into submission and/or death. Oh how I can’t wait to hear: “I just shocked you <insert sexuality insult>.”

You see, I could fight for Recon as a name for the extension of Halo 3.0. The Recon armor in Halo 3 was already synonymous with elite achievements, as it was only obtainable as a reward directly from the hand of Bungie. There have been numerous instances and contests where the Recon armor was claimed, including some of the best exhibits of the rampant sandboxery of the Halo 3 engine.So it made sense to leverage the built in loyalty to the Recon brand. Instead, we’ve arrived at Halo 3: Acronym.

The project rollout as a whole has been less than spectacular. Following E3, Bungie dished that Microsoft pulled the plug on the original announcement of the game, which was slated to be included in Microsoft’s keynote at the show. Months later, on September 25 (also known as the anniversary of Halo 3), we received a teaser trailer, showing video from an AI security system capturing a Covenant Invasion. The system summoned the ghost of Douglas Adams to dispense helpful pleasantries like: “Stay Calm” and “Keep it Clean”.

Two weeks later, On October 9, we received a fuller(ish) trailer, released at the Tokyo Game Show, which unveiled the official name of the project as Halo 3: Recon. A mere seven weeks later, on November 25th the game was renamed Halo 3: ODST.

While our new name rolls off the tongue like a bag of sand, there is some basis for the troopers in Halo fiction and the shocker squad makes appearances in the Halo 2 and Halo 3 campaign, though they are not explicitly called out as such.

While I completely side with gray and think Halo Super Master Chief Adventures must be made, there’s a pretty good chance we’ll never remember the Recon that wasn’t. Does anyone remember the Nintendo Revolution?

On November 13, like 2.8 million of you, my roommate came home mid-day with a debilitating parasite which rendered him unable to move anything besides a mouse and keyboard. WebMD apparently prescribed temperatures where the parasite can freeze. Word on the street is that Northrend is “damn chilly”.

While such a degree of a disease-conspiracy is appealing to a gamer who finds gaming binges intrinsically satisfying, this time around I’ve been quite reluctant to pull the purchase trigger for the dash to 80.

Each time I’ve made the level cap in Warcraft I’ve done so in consistent play sessions with friends from three or so levels under the cap. For 1.0, I played for 30 hours straight in order to ding 60. Burning Crusade was similar, only 67 to 70 required 36 consecutive butt-busting hours. Nothing beats the camaraderie that spawned from these runs where pizza, Egg McMuffins, and mochas fueled us past the desire to tap out to sleep.

WoW’s appeal is rooted much like the slot machines of casinos where “everyone has a chance to win”. In WoW, time is your currency and your chance to win increases with time spent in the game. Each mob killed is a pull of the handle. Every so often you’ll win a green and the ability to continue to play. From time to time you’ll get ahead with a blue and when you’re really lucky you’ll score an epic. For this reason alone, I understand the allure of Azeroth. The entry fee is low, it’s accessible to the most casual gamer, and victory is nearly guaranteed with a certain degree of time investment. Yet at the same time, when I walk into a casino I feel utter despair, watching people rot pull by pull, quarter by quarter.

Outside of this inherent appeal of “everyone wins”, WoW is arguably the most interactive social network in existence. My friends and I have joked often that WoW is just a really spectacular instant messaging program. It’s hard to dispute this as my most memorable hours have been spent with people who I consider friends, many of which have leaped from the virtual world to the real one. For the social elements alone, WoW is the most lucrative social network on the Web. Can you imagine paying $15 a month for Facebook for more than 3 years? Hell no.

For these elements, WoW was a critical milestone in my game career, and one that I thoroughly enjoyed. However, since Lich King was announced, I’ve suffered from WoW malaise, as my playing habits no longer kept pace with the treadmill of keeping my character geared well enough to compete in PVP. Likewise the illusion of “everybody wins” was shattered repeatedly as an arena hunter that was often picked last for the kickball team (q.q. more, I know).

My biggest complaint about WoW isn’t that it’s repetitive or a supposed waste of time — it’s that playing WoW in a meaningful way means excluding virtually every other game. You can’t win if you aren’t sitting at the slot. Likewise, to be a good virtual friend, you have to be logged in. Since I’ve taken a break from WoW, I’ve caught up on games that I’ve neglected for more than a year. Two weekends ago, and more than a year after release, I beat Mass Effect. I’ve also played through The Force Unleashed, and am finally working on the GTA IV campaign. This completely discounts the need to dig into Fallout 3, Gears 2, Mirror’s Edge and a handful of other holiday game entries. (Update: Fallout 3 40+ hours in; Gears 2 in progress).

Since my roommate’s convenient sickness, I’ve been watching over his shoulder, checking in every few hours to make sure he remembered to empty the bed pan and to see the level progression. After four days of play he had dinged 78 and in less than a week of Lich King hitting shelves, he had reached 80. While the desire to not just look through the window to watch the party is strong, I’ve struggled to find a reason to jump into the fray.

Each iteration of WoW has seen a different play focus for me. “Vanilla” or 1.0 was about raiding Molten Core and Blackwing Lair, while building out the social network. In Burning Crusade my focus shifted to PVP, as I was no longer willing to spend three nights a week raiding for a chance at a gear improvement. So what would 3.0 bring to the table? Sure there are new talents, spells and pets, but this time around I’m stuck in a place where the rewards no longer satisfy the entry fee and the social factor has deteriorated as friends have departed for greener servers.

I know I’ll be back eventually, but only after seeing what other worlds have to offer.

It’s November and game studios can smell turkey. Serving gravy franchises such as Gears, Fable, Call of Duty and Resistance, our gaming palate is being gorged with battle-tested plate-fare. With so many main courses it’s a tough time to introduce a new dish, which is why I hope Mirror’s Edge can still succeed.

There are two ways to describe Mirror’s Edge. In the classic sense, the game would be pegged as a first-person platformer, mashing together a traditional FPS view with the need to clear an ample number of gaps and jumping puzzles to reach Point B. In the non-classic sense, the game could be deemed “Free-Running 2K8″, which EA best described this week with new promotional videos.

In the game, you function simply as a runner of information, racing messages across the cityscape because electronic communications are monitored closely by the ruling government regime (sounds vaguely familiar eh?). Dystopias are a core tenant of gaming and science-fiction, so I’m intrigued to see one that is glaringly white-washed as the world of Mirror’s Edge . The game’s levels are a starkly clean mixture of skyscrapers and high-beams, or an Apple store that has overrun an entire city.

^mmm Faith.

To this point, runners have been largely ignored by the government and Polizei, but as you take control of Faith, the game’s surprising protagonist, bullets begin to fly. In a sense, you’re playing the game version of “The Fugitive” and use your creative guile to traverse a city-wide obstacle course by leaping over chasms, running off of walls, sliding under pipes, disarming aggressive police, and executing an array of acrobatic maneuvers. Possible paths are marked via “Runner Vision”, with running routes – a beam, a ledge, or even a helicopter’s undercarriage — colored in red.

A game of finesse

The game is more about evasion than combat, as Faith can take a very limited amount of damage. Much like the stealth genre, success is much easier to come by when avoiding conflicts entirely (or running and jumping past them). Bullets will be wastefully expended by “Blues” of course, but a frontal assault will often lead to death, where more creative means of circumnavigation are the best solution.

^ Bad ass soundtrack too.

Playing through the demo, the action system felt a bit clumsy, as your primary movements are dictated by pressing and holding the right and left triggers and bumpers at the appropriate time. For example when diving off of a rooftop to a ledge far below, Faith can execute a Zelda-esque tuck and roll by pressing the left trigger at the correct moment. But if you press and hold too early, Faith will simply crash into the rooftop, slowing her progress and taking damage. I suspect this clumsiness will lessen as I become more accustomed to the control scheme, and the experience will feel much more fluid (Update: Yep, the second play-through of the demo was much better, but not perfect).

One thing that is unclear in the demo is whether there will be multiple avenues of escape throughout the city, or if the levels are deceptively linear. The game features a time-trial mode, which suggests there may be multiple routes through each level, but it could also simply be predicated on execution of perfect timing of slides and jumps.

I truly hope on Nov. 13 the game stands out among the sea of sequels, but the game has its work cut out for it. Can the act of “running” entertain for an entire single player campaign? Will gamers embrace a non-point, shoot and kill experience? The industry is in need of a new spin of classic genre-definitions, so I truly hope to see DICE’s creativity awarded with big sales.

Hello and thank you for the message. Pwnology is currently chasing Saren across the galaxy in an attempt to save both humanity and the fate of all organic life. Until said galaxy is saved from an almost certain fate of devastation, the news has been suspended. If your matter is urgent we suggest you file a complaint with your local Citadel embassy or attempt to solve the endless quandary of when to use “effect” vs “affect”.

- The Management

p.s. I can’t believe I waited a year to play this…

In a few hours I depart for my virgin voyage to Hawaii. Naturally there will be ample supplies of sunburns, waves, and overpriced, yet liberally umbrella’d drinks. Apparently there will NOT be gaming.

Tell anyone that you’re looking forward to vacation to catch up on your gaming and you’ll get an oggly-eyed bewildered look much akin to the first time you told your girlfriend about your World of Warcraft guild.

But it makes perfect sense to me. There’s a ridiculous number of games I haven’t been able to play because I’ve been toiling away at work for the past year: GTA IV, Bioshock, Mass Effect, Call of Duty IV campaign, The Force Unleashed, Warhammer Online, and many more I’m sure I’m forgetting.

With a week of unrequited beach-glory in front of me, I figured in the off-hours, I’d retreat to my hotel room to catch up on the overwhelming list of orphaned games. Not to lug my console over the Pacific without reason, I called my hotel to make sure there were A/V hookups on the 40 inch HDTVs.

Mission Failed!

No A/V.

Vacation henceforth deemed: Escape from the Island of Infinite Sadness.

Mission priorities shifted appropriately:

1) Grow “Wilson” Island Beard

2) AVOID AT ALL COSTS: Rachel Ray and 1980 Eddie Murphy movies.

3) Scout native encampments. Do NOT Engage.

4) GTA: Oahu.

5) Wish I was playing Blue Marlin:

6) Increase base agility stats.

7) Recharge power suit (nap liberally).

Keep Island Journal (write two feature articles for Pwnology).

9) Build smoke signals to communicate with rescuers:

We’ll see you in two weeks.

Troy sauntered to the checkout counter where he foresaw the grimy wind-strewn death of an industry — Lego Indiana Jones cost $9 to rent at BlockBuster.

With Spore’s recent DRM snafu at the front of mind and numerous other gaming companies looking for any way to slow down the piracy of their games, the games industry is once again at a crossroads. On one hand, companies want to protect their million-dollar investments. On the other, paying customers, PC gamers especially, are unduly punished for buying games through a legal channel. We’ve arrived at a point where the PC gaming industry is in danger of creating a digital wasteland not seen since the RIAA killed the music industry.

^ DRM killed the evolutionary star

On another front, game developers and publishers bemoan the used game sales channel, where retail doesn’t share a slices of the resale pie. Not one to bring up problems without offering answers, here are just a few paths the game industry could follow to boost their revenues and solve these nagging issues — WITHOUT turning away gamers.

1. Recognize that Piracy will always happen. Turn your attention to paying customers. The gamers that pirate software simply are not going to stop because of DRM. The scallywags have never paid for any piece of digital content - movie, mp3, game or otherwise - and they’re not going to start because of your DRM. So realize that you will never earn a dollar from them and stop placing unnecessary hindrances on your paying customers. Treat them well and they might return (Note: I didn’t have to go to business school to learn this).

Follow the example of Valve. When The Orange Box was released, gamers who had previously purchased Half Life 2 or Episode One (a ton of us), were able to gift a full copy of Half-Life 2 to a friend. Not only did it dispel one of the key arguments of “I’ve already bought that” but it also appealed to the altruistic side (yes, deep down we have one). Valve lost no money either way, so in the worst case they were able to expose new gamers to their game, while at the same time making gamers feel like their purchase was worth more. Sure, gamers did in fact buy the same game twice, a brilliant marketing move, but there weren’t two empty boxes on the shelf.

2. Co-op, co-op, co-op, co-op. The days where gamers are satisfied with a solo experience are waning quickly. Most games offer some form of multiplayer, however ill-conceived at times (read Metroid Prime). The more that your game encourages play with friends via online co-op, the more copies of a game you’re going to sell. For example, I’ve long wanted to purchase Lego Indy to play co-op with my friend Fyno, but scheduling remains a constant obstacle. We can’t seem to find a time to hang out, much less sit in a room for 10 hours since the game offers only shared-screen co-op. And here’s the crux of it, LucasArts at best will make $60 between the two of us - we’re going to be sitting on the same couch and don’t need two games? Their half-baked answer to multiplayer has in fact cost them money. Had they invested to enable co-op over the nefarious interwebs, they would have effectively doubled their money as I would have either bullied my friend into a purchase, or simply bought it for him.

A shining example of this philosophy is the DS’ ability to share games over a local connection, regardless of whether the second player has the game. Nintendo could have easily said that they want every customer to purchase a game, instead they offer free game demos to in-person friends and strangers alike, ultimately encouraging new purchases.

^ Indy running from a crappy game without co-op

3. Stop incrementally charging us for maps and downloads. While I completely understand that new content takes many development hours and ultimately extends the life of a game, the current implementation of such updates is a nuisance. Bungie, I’m looking at you. Yes, I want your new content, but i don’t want to have to break out my credit card and weight the relative Gamerpoint value of each map (Why can’t we just call them dollars?). You see, instead of simple yes/no decision of “do I want new maps in Halo 3?”, you’ve now forced a complicated decision tree of a) Do I want to keep playing halo 3? b) If so, are new maps going to improve my halo 3 experience? And lastly c) Are these new maps worth X hundred gamer points, knowing they will eventually be free and that my friends may not have purchased them (see #2).

Instead of the incremental model, at the day of purchase, offer the ability to pre-purchase a lifetime of downloads, or “download insurance”. For instance, make the price of Halo 4 with Future Downloads $69.99, a $10 increase over the typical price. This has a number of benefits for you. 1) Your company recognizes revenue immediately. 2) Any gamer that has been serious about Halo in the past is going to understand the value of paying up front and shell out an extra $10 on most sales, and importantly, don’t have to make the decision to pull out the card again later. 3) You will then have a reasonable estimate of demand for new maps. For example, if 5 million gamers have shelled out an extra $10, not only did you make $50 million extra on the day of release, but you also know that you’re on the hook for new content or else you’re going to have 5 million pissed off gamers. 4) New content will no longer be a chore to keep up with and developers will have more gamers playing the newest content that they are excited about. Win/Win for everyone.

4. Stop yearly game release spam. The most blatant offenders of game spam are sports franchises like Madden, however the Burnout and Call of Duty series may also be called to the stand. The main problem of yearly releases is that anticipation wanes over the course of the year (e.g. Didn’t I just buy this game?) and if I don’t pick up the game on launch day, my $60 is worth less and less with each passing day. EA will surely be stomping down my door next year like clockwork for $60 more, so I’m driven to the resale channel for any game that wasn’t just released, or I pass on the purchase altogether.

For example, why is Call of Duty 4 still $60 less than two months before CoD5 is scheduled to hit shelves? I joined the CoD4 party almost nine months after its release, due solely to the fact my brother loaned me his copy (See #2 again). After his CoD4 craving reached full force, he deviously repossessed the game. Left in my wanting to call in air strikes on hapless foes, I went to Amazon. Sixty dollars still?!?!?! Seriously??!?! The next installment hits in two months, so I’m either waiting for the new version, or I’m hitting eBay for a $30 used copy. While Gamestop is grateful, as game companies have noted, they will not see a dime from the eBay purchase.

The solution: If you insist on yearly releases, then the retail price should erode over time to pace the value of the buy to the gamer. I would much rather purchase an unused scratch-free copy instead of bidding, so why won’t you let me without penalty?

For sports games: Instead of adding more realistic uniform wrinkles each year and updated rosters at a $60 price tag, offer live week-to-week season and roster updates during the NFL season. There are many hardcore fans that would pay for this option. For example, offer the ‘09 live season roster for $10 a season. Even better: offer a gameplay option where each week’s games changes a player’s inherent stats. Is Favre on a tear in real life? Then mimic it in the game. After six people have subscribed to this, guess what, you’ve sold a new copy of the game and didn’t have to develop anything new. Push back the 2010 version and sell more copies.

^ Happy Customers

The BOLD-faced conclusion. While I have just slightly oversimplified a number of the issues the industry deals with on a regular basis, all of these points can be distilled down to the mantra of: Treat your customers as if you want them to keep playing.

What other game industry annoyances would you like to see fixed? Post a comment, or send a note to feedback@pwnology.com .

Gamers across the world have seized upon the predicted Doomsday festivities of the recent experiments with the worlds largest Hadron Collider. Aptly named the “Large Hadron Collider”, the project is a large-scale version of a High School Science Fair, with chief prize going to the science team that finds the elusive Higgs boson particle. The project is set to unleash a molecular demolition derby of sorts, ramming molecules together at the speed of light to force an unknown and perhaps unintended consequence - the end of the world.

Gamers, of course, have seen these sorts of experiments unfold at various research facilities such as Black Mesa, Aperture Labs, and numerous Martian Colonies. The potential of an alien inter-dimensional invasion is nothing terribly new, and in some cases welcome. Many are taking precautions, stocking an assortment of weaponry, stationary objects with jagged edges and power tools to preemptively defend against yet to be determined attackers.

“With the exclusion of New Yorkers, we’ve been training for this our whole lives,” said Oswald Archipelego of Charleston, South Carolina. “We’ve all seen Cloverfield. I’m sure not going down without a fight like the Yanks.”

The strike-first mentality has led to a surge in the price of weapons across the world. The weapons siege has perhaps had the most visible effects in Compton, where handguns are no longer distributed with Happy Meals.

On the component index that tracks the price of basic weapons, crowbars have seen a 100 percent rise, followed by Shotguns which are up 60 percent, and reportedly “overpowered”. Unexpectedly, crossbows have surged from a 20-year low, up 25 percent on the week, signifying that many are hedging against a zombie or werewolf invasion.

“The way I see it,” said Eddie Fray, “We’re either in for an attack from an army of demonic minions or some mix of souless undead. Personally, I’m hoping for some mix of minotaurs and hundred-headed centipedes, but may God help us if its headcrabs.”

In contrast to the other components, automatic weapons such as the Klobb and SAW M249 have seen their values plummet.

According to weapons analyst Bourne Aghayn, this goes hand in hand with the basic theory that most automatic weapons are less accurate than their semi-sniping counterparts. “You should always be aiming for the head,” he added. Journalistic integrity in full force, I posed the query, “What if these inter-dimensional beings do not have a head?”. Silence ensued. He was not prepared for such a scenario.

On the presidential trail, John McCain was reportedly gearing up a jet fighter to crash into the enemy of mass destruction, while Barack Obama assembled a stage outside of LHC’s Swiss Facility to “talk the invaders out of it”, according to a campaign spokesman.

In a related turn of events, Dick Cheney’s gun closet has reportedly been robbed, though the bird shot was left in the closet, perhaps as a cruel joke.